Mahalo nui loa

 Way back in the day my junior high buds and I smoked a lot of dope. It wasn’t so much we smoked it all the time, it was it took a lot of weed to get a good buzz. Back then I think much of the weed we smoked was just someone grinding up the entire plant, meaning very little of the flower mixed in with the rest of the plant.

This all changed the first time I tried Maui Wowie. This was the bomb. Half a joint of this gave us all this feeling we never had before and premium weed was the one and only way to go from that day on. No more ditchweed after that.

Maui Wowie then actually came from the islands. When Hawaii cracked down on cultivation the good Hawaiian weed went away and true Maui Wowie became rare. Every so often it would reappear, but it seemed anything originating from the Islands was labeled Maui Wowie and the consistency of the weed was about as consistent as the spelling of the strain.

Every so often good Maui Wowie would still make an appearance and it was always worth the wait.

The Maui Wowie from J Street Wellness in Sacramento is the stuff of legends. About 15 minutes after smoking half a joint I felt a serious buzz that lasted three hours. It was like a switch turned on, giving me a consistent high until the switch turned off three hours later. No highs and lows in this high, just a constant feeling of happiness and content. No feeling groggy or coach-lock, just straight good times with no ill effects afterwards.

 I only wished I had a copy of Young Frankenstein to watch. Next time I’m gonna be prepared.

Now if I could only find some Panama Red.

 Cost: $501/8 of an ounce

Vendor: J Street Wellness, Sacramento

Taste: Not a lot of taste, but a slight taste of citrus. I’d like to say pineapple or mango, but it was more lemony.

Scent: Much like the taste, a slight lemony smell, but the skunk smell takes over the entire room.

High type: This is the sativa fan’s sativa. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, but you will not hurl. Have a comedy ready, something like the Airplane movies should do the trick.

Appearance: Not really all that attractive, but it did have tons of trichome if you take a close enough of a look.

Oh it's veggin' time again

I recently picked up some Romulan. It’s a strain that we don’t see very often in Northern California. Originally from Vancouver Island, it was started back in the day by draft dodgers who found a home in Canada. It’s a shame we don’t see more of this strain. Supposedly it was christined Romulan because it could dent your head, resulting in a Romulan appearance.

I smoked about half of a small joint and then the vegging began. I love the all-over buzz I get from a good indica. Romulan did not disappoint. I sat in my EZ-chair and didn’t move for hours. I had a sense that if I made any sudden movements the high would wear off, and I know I didn’t want that happening. For three hours the only movement on my part was my remote finger, speeding through commercials. I wouldn’t be surprised if my heart rate reduced. I wasn’t successful keeping away the loss of the buzz, but I sure enjoyed my three hours in semi-vegetable state.

Romulan isn’t just a body high. I know my mind was going a mile a minute. I just don’t remember all the thoughts I had piled up in my head. It felt like one of those playground merry-go-round things. You circle around and around, with no idea where you are going to land. I’m sure I had some really profound thoughts, but it will have to wait until next time to sort it out. I should take notes, but then I’m worried it will reduce the length of the buzz.

If you are going to try some Romulan, be sure to give yourself plenty of freedom to do the veggie thing.

I’ll be hoping for more Romulan sightings in Northern California.

Cost: $60 1/8 of an ounce

Grade: B+

Vendor: Pharmers in San Jose

Taste: Bamboo

Scent: Skunky

High type: Gravitational

Appearance: Reminded me of a decorated Christmas tree. All green and red with some silver bows and ornaments – I might have a new way of spending the holiday: trimming my little Christmas tree.

Old school high

Name: Green Ribbon

From: Unity Non Profit Collective in Sacramento

Grade: A-

Type: Hybrid

Genetics: Any help?

Price: $51 an 1/8 ounce

Looks: Covered in tomentose trichome. Not a lot of cool colors but the buds look like they have been snowed on. You can’t help but be careful while handling so you don’t reduce the THC.

Smell: A walk in an old-grove forest, with a hint of wild flowers mixed in with the redwoods.

Taste: Harsh. A had a bit of a coughing jag. Similar to back in the 1970s, smoking Green Ribbon is something you do to get to the other side, not to enjoy the flavor of the smoke.

Buzz type: Dude, leave me along.

Buzz Length: I’m guessing 3-4 hours. I fell asleep after a couple hours and slept like a baby, waking up refreshing,, feeling better than James Brown (And he was “Feeling good.”)

Comments: Want to just get high? Curious what your folks experienced back when they were in high school? Green Ribbon gives you the best taste of the California glory days of marijuana cultivation. Green Ribbon flat out reminds me of Humboldt.

Green Ribbon should come with one of those warning: DO NOT operate heavy equipment after partaking. It isn’t exactly couch-lock, but it sure felt good kicking back in the EZ-chair. I even somehow watched a full episode of Big Brother, and I actually remember giving a damn about the whole eviction process.

This isn’t entirely your parent’s high. Back in the good old days it would have taken half-a-dozen or so joints to feel as good as I felt from half a joint of Green Ribbon. What a wonderful feeling. It would have to be some pretty nasty pain to feel anything through the Green Ribbon haze. I know I wasn’t feeling any distress, something that becomes more rare with the trade of youth for wisdom.

Green Ribbon has become the discerning smokers fav here in Sacramento. Plenty of bang for the buck.